its saturday today...wonder how is your presentation goin on...is everything ok...???
well, i went to mid-valley today nothing much, as usual hang out with friends and suddenly they talked about me and started asking me and about my love life behind me...i didn't know how to answer them... well, i think its because i still don't know how to face it still ba... and when they asked me whether do i still love you i cant answer them at all... does this means that i still love you...???
hope that some pointers for me is available now la....haih

miss you....

today woke up very late...but once i opened my eyes, the first thing that came through my mind was that whether have u arrive in pulau ketam yet..? and also how is you preparation for your presentation...is everything suitable for it...???when u told me that u are goin there to draw and take pictures at there, at that very moment, how i wished u would draw a picture of me... well, after that i told myself "stop dreaming chai yong, its not gonna happen". then only i managed to persuade myself to stop thinkin... but just now when i went to play pool wit ah yang, out of a sudden you started appearin in my mind again... haih... how i wish that period of time u were wit me... but all this is not goin to happen i think...

doubtful...dillema....

i could consider myself done a braveful and stupid thing i guess...but though its stupid i still wan to do so i guess...
im not sure whether your pm refers to me or not but i still want to comment on it...if it's really referring to me after reading my blog yesterday then i am happy but i don't want you to be sorry...all i hope is what i hope and it's so greatly returned in my blog as u have read...
maybe not now but at least just show me a sign on whether its crash and burn for me or fly with colors for i am so in a dillema now...
once i watched a show before, it shows and tells me that no matter how hard and tough the road is between u and the person that u like or love...one must still jian chi until the end and do not give up on either one side of individual...well, i dare to say that it's what i am doing for so long after we separated and like i said before i tried forgetting but CAN'T... so, i come to a conclusion where if u really can't make urself forget someone why not try not giving her up whereas patch things up...patch things up here does not mean that we continue from where we stopped before as i am purely referring to a fresh new beginning and maybe that may not be so suffering as compared to tryin to let u go off...
well, too much for a guy to just say it but on the other hand the other party do not wants a fresh over...so it's still depending on you...
frankly speaking, i still did not know why you wanted to separate initially and till now is still a huge question mark for me...izzit b'cos surrounding sayings..??? influence...??? cos u noe tellin me that spending too little time for an excuse isn't what i want to hear for a reason and more of a reality its not that reason...i am sure it's some other reason.... i've only been away for a period of 3 months and the time we separated is during the 3 months time when i am away...
haih...., really wish to know the truth...or maybe it's already u are giving the true reason but this also does not mean that we could not come over for a fresh beginning...

appreciation

it's now 3:18 am in the morning and im still awake...
walau, writing this makes me feel myself very girlish man but i still will write...
well, in whole of my life i've learned two things, which are being righteous and being non-righteous... lucky me, im the righteous ones...haha...
speaking of that, i have only a great buddy and he is not just a buddy more of that he is also one of my relative too...he's yen yang...
he's the one and only person tat i would cry for help whenever im in need...he's also a good listener and for that i thank you...you've help me gone through a number of tough times...especially with my love life...fun, studies, bad deeds, good deeds, and many more which is hard for me to describe by writing....just name it, we both sure to be in with it but of cos that does not include killing...haha
what im tryin to say is that im thankful to have u along with me...i am not sure wat are ur thoughts towards our string of friendship but just to let you know how much i respect and appreciate you...you are the one and only person that i would not give up on in so many of my friends... i know what i say now may or may not change in the future but at least i am fond of what i am now and having u along really makes my life glitter along no matter happiness comes together with sadness or vice versa... so thank you... well, as u always say "we dont know whats waiting for us tomorrow and what will happen to both of us tomorrow". though the period of time that we've known each other is just not long but it's like we've already known each other for so long...so i treasure this friendship...salute u brother....

tough day

yet again, another tough day passed and i wonder how much more i will need to go through...???
feeling miserable and sad followed by heart ache was what i was a month ago and it recovered...though it recovered but in a single particular night that sadness came pop-ing out again...is it because im still unable to let go of you..???or is it just the memories and things that u had given me that i could not let go...??? "i dont't know"
this still remains a big question deep inside me... i used to get emotional whenever i hear the song "wo bu xiang wang ji ni" and after some time, i stopped being so but not in recent time...i became more and more obsessed wit the song playin it again and again whenever im alone and in down mood times...

sometimes, i hesitate on whether did i make the correct choice of keep tryin to let go of you and start over a new life with new me and aims...although i've tried so long and so hard...i still FAILED to do so...is it because i am really still holding the same old feeling as i used to have and refused to let go...??? "i don't know"
i really hope that time could turn back and i would make sure everything isn't ended up the way it is now and instead trying very hard to make things perfectly well for both...well, it's too late...
rite now, i can only hope for a new and fresh beginning...would you be kind enough to let me start off with this fresh start or will u just let me hang myself half way in the air as i am now until the day i can't afford to hold the strings and let myself go and hang to end of the road...

you

exams..!!!

this week's the last week for my preparation for finals...
so damn stressed....for the first time in my life,felt so stressed in studies...
well,guess i wasn't working very hard for the old schooling times...

though im still busy wit revision,
u still came across my mind...
then,memories started to get back in my mind...
i did a really very wrong thing...i accidentally nudged u on msn and didnt noe wat to do at that particular moment until u replied in "yes" in the conversation window...i really wanted to talk to u but everytime when i wanted to talk to u, it reminds me of the last time i talked to u on msn and it was hurting b'cause u asked me not to disturb u anymore...that particular moment,it's really hard for me to digest the words u said to me...i was damn sad...
sometimes,how i wish we didnt ever met before,
in that way,i wouldnt feel so miserable now...
haih...i guess i gotta live wit it for you still exist in me....